5 Battleship Movie Plot Suggestions

A minute after Hollywood decided to embark on a quest for originality, due to fail-proof franchises that, well, failed (Prince of Persia, Sex and the City), what can be more logical than to make a film based on the popular Hasbro game Battleship. Yes, a film based on Battleship. Can it get more original than that?
Latest news considering that project is that pop star Rihanna will join Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch who already signed to appear in the feature.

What story can screenwriter Eric and John Hoeber possibly squeeze out of that game? It’s an open bid. Everything can go. We thought of some ideas for them:

The Drown Battleships, Don’t They?
WWII. A huge ship filled with military and showbiz people on their way to the front line to entertain the soldiers abroad is bombed and left stranded on an unknown shore. With no supply desperation is king and the ship’s survivors decide to conduct a tournament of the Hasbro game Battleship. The winner gets the last box of canned food and bottle of water. The Battleship game quickly becomes a game of life and death when the fight for survival escalates.

My Father’s Battleship
Big explosions? Eye-popping CGI? Unless you are James Cameron this doesn’t translate well into Oscars. So perhaps the best way to make Battleship an award darling is to go indie. Conjure up a little something along theses lines: Rihanna is a young South-Dakota girl living on her father’s farm. Her estranged mother returns after years of absence with her gay lover (Alfre Woodward and Laura Linney), while we constantly cross-cut to her brother’s experience in Afghanistan. To survive, Rihana has to sell the family’s last asset: the Battleship game which her father left her before his passing (a soft-lit cameo by Jon Voight).

Can I be Rihanna this time, dad? Pleeeeeease...

The Paranormal Battleship Quarantine Project
An entire film shot from a cell phone: two art students discover a door in their basement that leads to an ancient underground battleship. As if they’ve never seen a horror movie in their lives, they decide to leave the police out of it and go inside. Zombies, bats, murders, ghosts, monsters – all of those and more… but only by sound. It’s a cell phone, you see. Not too good for shooting in the dark.

Battleship: The Tale of the Undefeated
Everybody likes Battleship. Everybody likes football. Is it possible that no one thought about this before? A group of football players are on their way to a game across the sea (destination irrelevant) when they encounter some evil pirates (but the good looking ones, with strong teeth and hairless chests. Not Pirates of the Caribbeans types) who take them as hostages. The leader of the players (Channing Tatum. Who else did you have in mind?) is a gifted Texan player with a violent history and a bleeding heart, who was raised solely by his mother Sandra Bullock (seen only in flashbacks). He falls in love with the pirate captain’s daughter and decides to arrange a football game – on deck! – in order to save their lives. The dilemma is: will he win the game and set his teammates free and by that lose his pirate-Rihanna lover, or lose in order stay with her forever. In the end he will find a way to have his cake and eat it. No worries.

Yes, this is my angry face, you lousy pirate man

My Battleship Summer
In this romantic comedy, a young writer is dumped by his fiance; heartbroken, he decides to join the military where he is stationed on a battleship, only to find out that his recruit commander is his ex’s new lover. He goes by an alias in order not to be recognize by him. Accidentally he chooses a name of some absent soldier who saved his platoon’s life a month before disappearing, and thus become the battleship most popular guy. Things get oh-so-complicated when the absent soldier’s cute and charming wife lands on the battleship to meet him exactly the same day the our protagonist’s ex decides she wants to be with him and not with no one else. What will he do?

Here are 5 more brands that can be adapted to Hollywood movies, with as much sense.